Something I just have to say

Dear Family/friends/people who have no idea who I am nor do they care:

Someone said to me today that anxiety was just another excuse and the new cool way to get out of commitments or doing things with others.  I stood their for a very long moment because I don't know this person well and they probably don't know that I suffer from GAD(generalized anxiety disorder).  I didn't have time to change their mind right their so I asked if we could talk sometime this weekend on the phone.

A panic attack isn't something that you can see coming on.  Sure I can tell you what my triggers are and maybe sometimes I can prevent it.  But my family and my best friend, my sister and my Aunt know when they are coming on.  And it doesn't need to be a huge thing.  It can be as simple as lunch with my Aunt who I love and was dressed and ready and couldn't walk out the door.  She understood but it was still time I missed.  So what does it feel like to have an anxiety attack? I can honestly say it's different for everyone:
=I experience a total feeling of fight or flight.  There is no other option.
=I get a feeling in my gut that slowly overwhelms me.  Sometimes,well rarely, I can overcome it or fake my way through the situation.  But believe me when I get to the car or home the tears will probably start.
=Breathing is like having a elephant sit on your chest.  The more you try to breath the more you struggle.
=If I am having an attack and I can't get in touch with someone like one of the kids, or my bestie, my Aunt or Uncle it gets worse.  99 percent of my brain knows I am over reacting its the 1 percent that that I battle.

Now here are the good parts.  You can't catch it by talking to me.  I am also very good at hiding it from many people, if I am hiding it you will have to know me very well to know that the attack is coming or that I am having it.  My bestie is usually the best at spotting it.

The bad parts.  I have missed lunch's, drives to see my niece or visits when she was here.  I have missed just going to the store with my mom because of a fear that I will have a attack while I am out and not be able to drive home.  Go to a movie...probably not.

The future I am working on it.  The attacks are getting further apart and sometimes I can control them with breathing exercises.  I do not expect nor do I want pity from anyone.  This is a illness that no one can see which makes it harder. But there are a few things you can do....don't tell me to shake it off, or it will get better or that its in my head, I know its in my head.  Don't be afraid of things I might do I am no dangerous and yes I might cancel 4 our of 5 lunches but I will make it to one of them.

So that's it.  I was that nervous child and I will have this the rest of my life and I am living with it and succeeding.  Please treat me like everyone else since I am like everyone else..just more nervous.  I have a good life, it's not always easy but it's a good life and its getting better.

Just remember that people with GAD can't shake it off and sometimes I need a hug or a phone call and that's all it takes.  But remember an argument that you shrug off after a day I may worry about for days.  It's a process

Tomorrow back to budgets, money and life.